CRUNCH ISLAND - The atmosphere at the Crunch Factory was at times tense on Sunday as activists peppered the captain of cereal Horatio Magellan Crunch, better known by his public persona of Cap 'N Crunch, with questions about the recent disaster in his cereal factory. During a grade school field trip at the factory last week an unchaperoned group of students went off tour and opened the crunch berry holding silos releasing millions of crunch berries into the factory.
Cereal production at the factory was halted for five days as workers attempted to contain the spill, however activists are skeptical about their efforts. "There's simply no way that Capt 'N Crunch was able to prevent all of the crunch berries from contaminating the Sea of Milk," said environmentalist Rachel Carson, "The water is usually a beautiful milky white and it has had a green tint ever since the mishap."
Crunch emphasized that his factory would be taking full responsibility for the incident and would pay for all crunch berry mitigation, however with the release of his, "Oops! All Berries" cereal this week, many residents of Crunch Island can't help but wonder if the cereal tycoon is trying to profit from this tragedy. "I assure you this is simply an isolated occurrence," Crunch said to groans from the crowd, "Our factory has an outstanding safety record."
Despite Crunch's boast of exemplary safety, S.F.M.P. discovered that the Crunch Factory experienced similar spills in 2010, 2009, and 2008. S.F.M.P. also unearthed video footage of a 1997 incident of three children on a similar factory tour in which they emptied the Crunch Berry silos. The video is grainy however Capt 'N Crunch can clearly be seen knocking over cereal boxes on top of children and then saying, "Oops," in what many would consider a disturbing act of negligence.
Crunch emphasized that his factory would be taking full responsibility for the incident and would pay for all crunch berry mitigation, however with the release of his, "Oops! All Berries" cereal this week, many residents of Crunch Island can't help but wonder if the cereal tycoon is trying to profit from this tragedy. "I assure you this is simply an isolated occurrence," Crunch said to groans from the crowd, "Our factory has an outstanding safety record."
Despite Crunch's boast of exemplary safety, S.F.M.P. discovered that the Crunch Factory experienced similar spills in 2010, 2009, and 2008. S.F.M.P. also unearthed video footage of a 1997 incident of three children on a similar factory tour in which they emptied the Crunch Berry silos. The video is grainy however Capt 'N Crunch can clearly be seen knocking over cereal boxes on top of children and then saying, "Oops," in what many would consider a disturbing act of negligence.
S.F.M.P. contacted the Assistant Secretary of Labor for Occupational Safety and Health, David Michaels about the repeated safety problems. "The Crunch Factory has been on OSHA's watch list since their third violation in 2009," said Michaels, "Unfortunately due to numerous government loop holes and lobbyist persuasions we have not been able to inflict any serious penalties. He's a Cap N' so he has a lot of friends in high places."
For now the people of Crunch Island, especially those who work in the Crunch Factory are hoping to move on with their lives. "I'm going back to work," said Chockle the Blob, a large chocolate chip cookie dough blob who can talk, "Children are relying on us for cereal and we want to deliver. People can only eat all berries for so long."
For now the people of Crunch Island, especially those who work in the Crunch Factory are hoping to move on with their lives. "I'm going back to work," said Chockle the Blob, a large chocolate chip cookie dough blob who can talk, "Children are relying on us for cereal and we want to deliver. People can only eat all berries for so long."