LOS ANGELES - It's been about two months since we broke the news that Kim Kardashian had gone on a drastic butt expanding diet in an effort to, "Provide the tabloids with excellent ground-breaking stories every week." It seems that Kardashian has indeed stuck to the highly regimented diet as she revealed her ever expanding rump at the beach this past weekend to hoards of cheering onlookers. "A lot of people just want to go to the beach, enjoy the sand, the sun, and the ocean and relax, but this isn't about my enjoyment." said the reality TV star, "This is about pleasing the tabloids." The National Enquirer shut down all of their other operations to cover the big reveal. "We really can't thank Kim enough. When she said she was going to go on a diet that will continually expand her butt, we were skeptical to say the least," explained N.E. reporter Brian Cunningham. "It's one of those celebrity diets that sounded too good to be true, but if there's anyone who could make it succeed, it's Kim. As a reporter, you wait your entire life for a story like this." The reality television star's unveiling came just in time for beach season. While many celebrities this time of year focus on toning every part of their body, often times with varied results, Kardashian, it seems, has stumbled upon the secret to an amazing beach body. Focus on the thing that's most important and you won't just have a great body for the tabloids, you'll will provide the world with inspiration. "Everyone wants you to focus on making the music, but to me it's about pure creativity. I'm looking beyond the music. I'm moving forward. I'm living in the second life. People want to think about all that is, all that ever was!" exclaimed Kim's soon to be hubby Kayne West. When pressed further about what he meant, West hugged multiple paparazzi and yelled, "IT'S ALL ABOUT THAT ASS! IT"S ALL ABOUT THE ASS! It's powerful. When I need inspiration I climb up inside of Kim's ass. It's dark. It's expansive. It let's me get away. It takes me to another dimension. I let my mind wander and I create." A source close to the couple confirmed West's comments elaborating that the musical genius conceptualized the Yeezus album while spending a week in Kim's backside. While Kardashian has plans to continue to expand her "Empire", she hopes that her butt diet won't just inspire Ye, but will also empower young women everywhere. "I always craved the attention of the tabloids and I want young women everywhere to realize that if you eat right you can achieve anything."
